Niblings, your aunt had huge ambitions when she went to Japan: she would live every day to the fullest and that she would have more than enough energy to write, and maybe video blog, about it.
While your aunt would argue that she is living every day to the fullest–or at least doing her best to do so–documenting it is a different matter. Between daily life, keeping up with the language, dealing with her body issues, and performing her responsibilities well: she’s at her usual, “Oh gee whiz, I’m all over the place.”
That’s how I feel at the moment. For example, as much as I want to keep my gaze on what I’m experiencing in Japan, I have to keep in mind that I am a PhD student who is applying for candidacy this semester, who still has course requirements, who wants to return to New York City hitting the pavement hot and running. Yesterday, I wavered for a bit. I wondered, “What if, just what if, I do my dissertation here in Japan.” I was able to shake it off a couple of hours later because pragmatism. Because there is a particular mountain I’m walking towards and while it’s across the ocean, I need to stay a little longer in the United States to get there.
I’ve noticed how deeply embedded everything that I’ve been learning in New York is in me that I can’t help but feel a little concerned. (I recognize I have been wrestling with this for quite a while.) I’m a mishmash of identities at this point, a veritable Mobius strip. Anyway, I have limited time right now so I have to stop writing, but there is a lot to unpack. (I have free days coming, so get ready, get ready!)
I leave you with a picture. This was taken yesterday, when Stephen and Asuka left.